DRAMA - No Mimes!

Another interesting phenomenon are what could be called “complimentary” phobias which sometimes, but not always, accompany the fear of clowns and/or Mimes. Below is another list, this one of other fears that are typically also mentioned by Clown- and Mimeophobes:

* Dolls (especially moving ones; life-like eyes, talking, etc.)
* Toy monkeys (especially cymbal monkeys)
* Marionettes/Ventriloquists’ Dummies
* Jack-In-The-Boxes
* Becostumed people (mascots, Santa Claus)

Firstly, dolls are definitely a recurring object of fear and loathing. Sometimes it doesn’t matter what kind, sometimes the kind that walk or talk, or whoese eyes close when you lay them down. The Animated Doll phobia has been capitalized on in the media, and provides tension and horror in countless movies. As one writer told me, “I can just see them coming to life in the night and killing me with a knife! Yikes!” Yikes indeed, but where does this fear come from? All of these objects are of the “chicken or the egg” variety - are people afraid of dolls now because of the movies they have seen, such as “Child’s Play”? Or is that WHY those type of movies are so popular, because people are naturally afraid of dolls and the like?
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Okay now, we deal with what is really at the heart of this irrational(?) phenomenon which has been dubbed Clownophobia (or Coulrophobia, as some people call it, using the closest Greek counterpart they can, which turns out to roughly translate into “Stilt/Limb Fear”), the mentality and psychology of both Clowns and Clownophobes. Putting all kidding aside, just for the moment, anyway, I think it would be well to really examine this phenomenon in an impartial and objective light. In order to provide an example that I am familiar with, I will share my own “Evil Clown” experience, and try to pick out what I feel are important aspects or telling features of it, as it relates to my own Anti-Clown sentiment, in order to bring this fear out of the darkness of ridicule and juvenile ignorance and into the harsh, cleansing and empowering light of truth and acknowledgement. My experience, and my notes relating to it, can be found by clicking here, which takes you to my page which will be filled with only guest-submitted stories or opinions.
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The difference between Clowns and Mimes is also striking, in that each seem to have an archetype that they imitate to the letter; Clowns being at least to some extent obese, while Mimes are universally rail-thin, anorexic. The reason for this remains unclear thus far, to the League, but it has been posed by some of our members that Mimes are vegetarians and Clowns are almost pure carnivores. A strange symbiotic relationship exists between what in the animal world would equal a predator-prey situation. The rotundity of the Clown is also thought to be at least a partial defense against the weather, storing up to fifteen pounds of food and three liters of water in his specialized stomach, allowing him to go for weeks without external sustenance and stalk his prey patiently. Mimes on the other hand, seem to require water all the time, usually bottled French water, and also are hypothesized to have a rare type of exzema or other skin condition, accounting for the rarity of hairy Mimes. The most common areas for a Clown to frequent, identified by his candy-like spoor, are habitats in suburban areas with lots of children. Circuses and fairs and charity events are also regular hang-outs and covers for these creatures, but they are more likely to have more opportunity to spread their evil in a more private environment, say a neighborhood street. We here at the League are doing everything in our power to learn more about Clowns and Mimes and pass along the information to you, the public, as soon as we get it, so keep the faith and never give up hope that we can, someday, live in a Clown-Free World!

The Killer Clown flap in the mid 80’s (which still continues to this day, in greatly reduced frequency, thankfully) is stunning proof of the danger of having such freaks of nature running around loose in your neighborhood, within arms reach of your children! Unmarked vans were spotted and reported by numerous citizens, but never once were any police in any state ever able to give chase, as the vans seemed to disappear into thin air. Perhaps it is for the best though - a confrontation could have turned ugly for the boys in blue… we all know how many Clowns can fit into one of those little bitty kiddie cars, imagine how many would fit into a full sized van!!! Perverted in the utmost, these Killer Clowns were usually seen to be only partially clothed, usually sans pants, denoting their obvious sexual dysfunction and intention; they almost ALWAYS lurked near playgrounds and parks! Interestingly, there are reports of one or more Clowns being driven from playgrounds by a GROUP of like-minded kids, who didn’t like the weirdo just hanging around - if this is true, this proves that Clowns are also cowards, innately. If anyone can offer any more insights into this or any other related topic, please e-mail me from the main page!

Mimes appear to represent the missing link between Man and Clown. Why do they not speak? Are they unable or unwilling? Some would have you believe it is a hybrid of spiritual, political and philosophical statement, but we obviously know that that is bogus, as someone dressed like an emaciated Mickey Mouse attempting to escape from an imaginary box is simply too psychotic to really offer any worthwhile viewpoints on life at large. Perhaps the first Mime was a mute clown. Perhaps Silent Movies have a hand in their development somewhere. The most famous (or infamous, in the League’s opinion) Pied Piper of Mimedom is Marcel Marceaux, whose upside down pentagram birthmark is almost never mentioned during any biographical treatises on his long and public life, tempting more unassuming school children into the dark clutches of the Paint.
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